2zambettah

#FEMINIST VMAs

2zambettah:

#FEMINIST VMAs

At last… The human being that was takin care of me changed the input panel. He used to take some small things from the back and put them on a handle that was SOOOOOOooo loud.
Anywayz I’m a cat and I can type and yada-yada-yada, and I’m fascinated by music videos. I know that men are having cows higher than women, so I guess that’s why VMAs all around the globe care more about what the men have to say and what women are wearing but…
Let’s focus on the Internet… Ok. Fine. Youtube. Whatevz. I learned how to use that mouse shaped thingy. I don’t know why humans are moaning about proper writing. I can tell you, typing with that button input panel is much easier than copy-pasting each letter.

Talkin aboutz it in the cat webz stirred some controversy with some catz out der. Don’t getz me started on Beyonce and her feminist dream of family.

Lemme point outs that based on your terminology I mean, obviously, I’m a fan of her early work which both satirized and celebrated youth culture’s obsession with sex, but I do wonder as a third-wave feminist if it’s even possible for women to reclaim their sexuality in this deeply entrenched patriarchal society, or if claiming to do so is just a lie we tell ourselves so we can more comfortably cater to the male gaze. But you knowz, on the other paws, I worry that conversations like this one often dismiss her as a mere puppet of the industry incapable of engaging in these discussions herself and infantilization, which is itself a product of the deeply misogynistic society we live in.
But like I said, I don’t really think about her all that much.

There is just one criteria. The video must be one cat-year old. In human calendars that translate as:
- The video was uploaded from 1/1/13 onwards, or
- The album was released from 9/13 onwards.
Without further ado:

* Yeah, cats perceive media and digital time differently, that’s why you’ll never learn where those cat-people came from on your version of Dr Who. Congrats, you solved the great mystery. We learned how to play piano near the dawn of internet. And we evolved together. That’s why there’s so many cat videos all around. Also that’s why there’s so much bad spelling. I BLAMEZ YOUZ ALLZ!!!111<3 *

So as I was saying, in no particular order and without further ado:

#Feminist #VMAs 2014

  • "Simon de Beauvoir" Award for excellence in the feminist field
  • Empowering use of the “Eye of the Tiger”
  • My 13 y.o. cousin promised me she’d include me in the video but they went for the tiger with the Jewish lawyer
  • ROAR
  • How my tiger dick taste like Russell?
  • Why all that nail sharpener in liquid form to the elephant? What about the children in Africa and all the dumb zebras they could kill if their nails were sharp enough.

-Katy Perry - Roar

  • Feminist icon by popular demand Award

-QOTSA - I appear Missing. *Yey Josh. Moving on*

  • Most gorgie award
  • Fake snow award
  • Black panther kinda?
  • Homage to soultrain
  • Most heard song if we include as a metric “Most heard whilst in Game menus”
  • Bonus: (just because my human is sooooooooo boring…) Hating on Seatlle because they lack professional basketball or music, while there’s a party on the North.
  • Also I hope RR doesn’t kill any other wolfs.
  • Kinda lame song tho.

-Drake - Started from the bottom

  • Green Award: Re-Use of 300 SFX
  • Perfect Cat times
  • Boring song
  • OK. Human females are goddesses that drown easily.

-FKA Twigs - Two Weeks

  • Swaggy P Award
  • Bleach Award
  • Dat ass tho
  • Don’t get me started on white females stealin from black and “so on”. *Did I use that catchphrase correctly? I guess that huggy bear man is a thing in today’s human society.*
  • Or somethin like that is Iggy’s struggles.
  • Australian hillbilly struggle award.
  • Swaggy P above all Award.

-Iggy Azalea - Work

  • How you dare go after Kimye? Award
  • I’m gettin lost with the world dominance game you all seem to play. I guess that Illuminati team is winning and that’s how they celebrate? Are Kimye playing for some other team? What goes on? Noone cares about world domination any more?
  • #Destroyer Award
  • Period/we all get periods/It’s human nature. *EXCUSE ME??? Just because I’m sterilized it doesn’t mean that other pussies are bloodless…*
  • Nice shapes Award
  • Da fuk? Is that a succubus? award

-Lily Allen - Shezzus

  • DON’T YOU EVER DARE SEND ME UP DER WITH THAT CAMERA! *Have you ever thought about all the pain some cats are gonna be subdued to with those new small cameras? Halloween costumes is where we draw the line.*
  • Was that Jesus on the cross on space?
  • Science Award for Lily commemorating the day we left our solar cloud or something, and the best you humans came up was with some guy dyin.
  • Sent by that succubus.

-Lily Allen - Air baloon

*PAUSE!
overrated/ underrated time:
Iggy V. Lily.
Judgin by their talents and their males everyone’s doin ok. I would pay for Lily. But Iggy reminds me of Snowflake that she goes places. Mainly rooftops. Anywayz, Snowflake, yeah she’s called snowflake because she’s deaf, she gave birth to five kittens. End of story moving on.*

  • Twerkward, and don’t even dare talk about some white human female, also from what I understand about what you call feminism
  • ALL THE FEMINISM awards to date
  • Gender-breaker lifetime achiever award
  • English Linguistics PhD
  • Fashion Shoutout Award for Alexander McQueen
  • M Y X. W T F Drake doin there?
  • Human matin dances are the funniest.
  • Power position award
  • Where my fat ass big bitchez at?
  • Don’t even think about it, tiger.

-Nicky Minaj - Anaconda

*At this point let me award M.I.A. with the all-time internet-time greatest artist, for*:

  • All The Swag Awards
  • Female humans have it good on that place
  • Best Taxi:the video game replica Award
  • Award, Islam looks cool as fuck Award
  • If that the best you can do, then that’s as perfect as the humans get Award
  • So when that Fast & Furious: Iraq drift comin out?

-M.I.A.: Bad Girls

  • Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back Award
  • Hinduism don’t look bad either Award, *Even a cat’s brain can’t figure out what the concept is there, but I guess it’s a team in the World Dominance Game*
  • “I’m an overweight, heavyweight, female Slick Rick”. *I is donez*

- M.I.A.: Bring the Noize
[best video remix: Matangi gold version]

  • Epilepsy warning Award,
  • “Dance go off when I enter the building.”
  • Football team World Dominance shoutout?
  • And Death Row.
  • Light Award,
  • YALA with 9 lifes bitchez.

-M.I.A.: Y.A.L.A.

  • Human Director Award
  • Nice rims Award
  • Shot at every urban area, Earth Award
  • So I guess the 3d printing thingy unlocks all the weapons in the World Dominance game? *I guess that’s what keeps you alive as a race, so thatz somehowz important to you guys.*
  • Burqa Award
  • Cool waterguns Award
  • Greatest Punk Artist Ever Award,
  • SOooooo… All the world is a warzone like the final season of Community or what’s the plan?

-M.I.A.: Double Bubble Trouble

There are some weird cats out there.